A dark day

Today has been a dark day. I struggled with depression today even though I tried everything, the daily dosage, positive talking and music, keeping busy, taking the black Labrador (Lucy) out; don’t know how she does it most times, and resting\meditating trying to clear it. It feels like weight has been added to my head and feels woozy. The warpy thoughts also saying to me ‘about time you die’ ‘it’s time to take your life’ ‘I hate my life’ ‘I hate …’ (sorry if I offended anyone). sometimes I feel like ending it all to put myself out of misery and suffering but I’m not giving up this battle because I have much too see, do and achieve. One of my achievements will be beating this toxic illness. Also if it doesn’t kill it makes you stronger. This suffering, this toxic will make me strong. It has made my confidence grow stronger and I am able to connect to people especially with customers. I wonder what happens if I am fully better. Maybe this is ending a chapter and brings a new one forward.

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