My universe and the black hole

MY blog about me, hobbies and my battle with depression

Tablets or no tablets

I have reached to the point, where I have to decide tablets or no tablets. My mental mind can handle two days without them, but I would like to get of them and have a piece of me return to me and not covered up by them. However, I feel like I’m not ready to come of them just yet because there are signs in my mental mind that it has not be fixed or cured yet. I have tried three to four days but I struggle even to get through the day. I even struggle to sleep thanks to the overactive and/or anxious mind. Does this means I’m not safe yet to come off them and need to work on my life?

But there are signs I’m on the mend two days without tablets is quite a big jump. I am planning big things in my life and this one is the most serious one since it affects my health. So, what will it be? Yes or no to tablets?


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the fall and rise

For a long time now I have been on top of a mountain. A year ago I crumbed and plunge into deep water. I felt vulnerable and chocking in the depths of the ocean looking and trying to swim back to the surface. Drowning and no way out I felt there was one option left end my life. But it didn’t go that way instead Lucy, the faith family dog, stop it. After getting help, I slowly recover, floating up from the deep ocean and back on the surface. Grasping for air I wasn’t out of the storm just yet. A whirlpool trying to suck me back down. I struggled however manage to get to safety and found an island a safe haven. I sat down and meditated. It felt like a protective cocoon wrapped me up and repel any harmful things thrown at me by the storm. Reclaiming and rediscovering myself, I came out re-energised. Wanting to run and go straight in, I realize it wasn’t the answer, so I decided to train to see what I’m capable of doing. Slowly I learn my own abilities and limits. I decided then to take a brand new path and walk along it.
Using new and improved abilities I was able to conquer challenges from too easy to that was tight, (words from sonic the hedgehog) grabbing the opportunities and using them to my advantage. I grew in confidence and self believe, mentally free running and flying. Achieving and grabbing opportunities as they come I wonder when the next storm strikes me down.

.lift up 1

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The greatest cure is love

Love is probably the most powerful thing known to us. It keeps us going, bring us together especially with friends, family and loved ones, and maintaining our health. love has helped me a lot through difficult times like depression.  Love is more than words and feelings. Love each other to bring us together and enjoy life with them.

Love Love

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Busy Bee and links

Hi there

I would to say thank you for waiting patiently for the get post. I have been busy with a lot of things.

Firstly, I had a tablet review and on the agreement from the doctors and me we have agreed to cut my medication from 20mg to 10mg

Secondly, I have been busy with a stall preparation and have been fully focus on it.

Thirdly, I have links to new accounts and pages that have been started up so feel free to look but sorry if they are bare however I try to update them after the stall.


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Mum and Dad silver anniversary

Pictures of mum and dad silver anniversary


click on link below:

Mum and Dad silver anniversary

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Africa alive 2015

a beautiful Suffolk/Norfolk zoo in east Anglia.

click below to see photos.

Africa alive 2015

thank you and enjoy



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open letter to everyone

Hey guys and girls

you have probably notice that there are less updates on blog especially on depression. Just to let you know I’m almost fully better however still on the tablets which have been giving me a helping hand. I like to say thank you for all support and advice. Mental illness is a hidden illness which should be more awareness as it can kill stealthy. My words are your not alone and get help. The best thing I did for a safety mental net was when I was bad I put a status up on Facebook and the amount of support either from loveable hug to a slap around the face. But this only works if you have a good friend base and get help as soon as possible.

I have been doing online courses on Buddhism for my mental health, short story writing to keep my brain imagination going and photography masterclass on udemy which I fully recommend.

I have also been doing free short story writing. In other words just been writing short stories to keep my brain going and hopefully share some stories to everyone to enjoy and read.

And finally been planning to open an e-shop for jewellery, paracord and photography which is exciting but hard and long process.

Hope you all well and thank you for following, supporting and advice you have given me.

Kind regards


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lucy and molly

30 l130 l


the good and the naughty


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I’m sorry but I’m ok

First of all sorry I could not keep this blog updated weekly because of other commitments and mental health. Just to let you know I am ok and healthy and recovering from a bad spell. Also I have done a lot of paracord projects like key fobs, dog leads, lanyards and bracelets. Also I have rekindled a long lost hobby writing short stories. Hope you enjoy the next two posts para cord adventure and a snippet of the short story.


My Grandparents emergency cottage pie

The grandparents went out for a day trip to the shopping centre. As time went pass Lucy, our trustful black lab, was hinting me its time for her lunch/dinner. I looked at the time and it was getting on a bit. So I done nan’ s shores feeding the animals and thought why don’t I cook for them. Since I had no car keys (grandad took them with him) and measuring instruments since nan reorganised the kitchen it was a challenge. I looked around and spotted beef mince and potatoes. Cottage pie it is. I cut the potatoes into small chunks and started boiling them with some season. I chop an onion and sweat it in a frying pan before adding the mince. Also I added beef steak seasoning (herbs and spices) and spoon of baked beans since its nan’s recipe I’m trying to remember. After finishing off the mixture for the bottom layer I spread it out in a small dish adding a bit more season to taste. Test the potatoes until soft, I drained the water and started mashing them and added cheese and butter. After that I spread the mash on top of the mixture and sprinkled cheese on top red Leicester for nan’s third and mature white for grandads third for me a bit of both in the middle. After that the grandparents came in and thanked me for preparing the cottage pie ready for the oven. Nan pop it in the oven think it was for 30 – 45 minutes gas mark 5. She served it with mushrooms and the remaining baked beans. Not bad for my first one since I’m used to making lasagna and fish pie.
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