My universe and the black hole

MY blog about me, hobbies and my battle with depression


2017 Has Been one of the toughest years and so many lessons learnt. I do miss everyone and I hope our paths will cross again. I would like to thank everyone for their support. Positive side I’ve learnt new things and lessons so hopefully new  challenges and opportunities will be made and taken in the new year. Also made new friends and hopefully more on the horizon. I also been trying to keep updating my pages photography and writing so keep a look out. On the whole 2018 a better version of me, plans have been put in place to keep me on track. Thank you for all your support and guidance and may 2018 brings us good positives vibe, health and relationships. Cheers everyone

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My new path… or island in this case

Yes, it has been a while since my last post, but I have been through a turbulent summer. A lost of a job that I love doing for my customers and colleagues whom over time become friends. It has screwed me over mentally and physically. I nearly went back on the tablets to help escape the grasp of the black hole. It affected everything and put me behind on all projects and social events. It felt like poison seeping through me, and I nearly ended the suffering by taking my own. However, I did not take my life since I am still here typing this post out. And l am not on any medication to steady the unstable ship going into the black storm. Instead, I rode it out. I took my ship and drove it through the eye of the storm and out again. I was a mess but in a better place. How did I do it? I planned my route and stuck to it thanks to the next steps skill and the new tools I learnt self-analysis and swot (strengths, weakness, opportunities and threats) Now my ship crashed on a desert island, it’s time to figure out what I want in life? It starts with the main three spiritually, mentally and physically. I am glad that my spirit and faith kept me going and only needs tweaking. Mentally and physically needs a lot of work. After using the tools again the start of my new life path has been the paved way. Time to stick to it and the plan to get me back how I was before the black hole, the dark storm, grabbed hold of me and started pulling me in.

Also, I like to thank the people who have supported me throughout this time. I will keep in contact. take care.

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Virtual races (fitness resolution)

At this time of year majority of the people will pledge “lose weight, get fit, etc.” and probably by 3 -4 weeks in you give up. For me I sign up to a virtual race, complete it, and the reward is not only a medal for your accomplishment but also you feel Fitter, Healthier and positive. There are two websites I’m using that are UK based which are.


From the USA I recommend this website at the moment


Before signing up read all the information thoroughly, so you will have a rough idea what is install for you. Also, any questions just ask them, since their service is good. So, give it ago, and you will never know this time next year you have recorded a marathon run time, an amazing medal collection, and you feel fantastic with a healthier body.

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Life after British heart foundation my marathon challenge 

​Firstly, thank you to everyone who sponsored me. Secondly, There is life after the challenge, even though I’ve been told ‘take it easy’. I’m taking it easy for while but I have stumbled across a American website, , which sets out virtual races around the world.  Same rules apply just complete the challenge by doing walk, run, swim, cycle or workout. Here I go and complete as many challenges as I can!

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My marathon diary updated

​I’m doing the ‘my marathon’ challenge held by the British heart foundation. So I have decided to keep diary on my progress so here it goes.


Day 1, completed 1.6 miles feeling great that I have surpassed my daily pledge but my legs are feeling it. Guess I’m un fit.

Day 2, done 1.7 miles today which is good and making good progress think my legs are saying something else.

Day 3, it’s raining, I could have a day off since I have made an extra mile but I done 0.7 miles instead just to keep the tally going and use the free days of when I need to.

Day 4 took a day off due to personal problems, back to normal tomorrow.

Day 5 Mind talk starting to set in trying to put me off but manage to fend it off by saying if I can conquer my depression, I can easily beat the challenge.

Day 6 done an afternoon run completing 1.1 miles but think I have got something.

Day 7 all night I had the sickness bug. I had no sleep and I’m completely exhausted. Medical advice was rest up and take it easy about the challenge. I nearly took a day off to rest up and recover but walked the dogs for 0.5 miles to get some fresh air.

Day 8 done another mile walk to see if I can continue with the challenge and I believe I can finish it.

Day 9 had severe cramps in my abdominal area during my mile walk and I don’t know how the dogs got me back home as if they knew I’m in trouble. 

Day 10 & 11 took the whole weekend off to recover properly.

Day 12 I’m on holiday so it’s time to clock up some mileage, but I only done the usual 1.8 miles however it all counts.

Day 13 only done 0.7 miles because the sun is so intense and zapping my energy away

Day 14 I have done a split 3 mile today. The first the usual run followed by a cool down with the dogs which is a good idea and the legs are grateful for it. The other half walk around the farm area and using the beacon as a safety precaution, but the sun is still very intensive and completely drained me.

Day 15 only done half mile because of that sun so rest day for me.

Day 16 it’s cool and perfect.  Done over a mile run and broke my personal best for a mile and a cool down with the slave drivers, the dogs. I have also done another one in the evening and nearly collapse. Good thing the dogs are there to help me out, only got 6 miles left.

Day 17 I have done a run but still having abdominal problems so I’m going to take it easy, even though I have the urge to complete it all.

Day 18 I have done another run but still abdominal problems, however only couple of miles left.

Day 19 finally I have done the ‘my marathon’ challenge but I feel wield because instead being ecstatic, but in pain.

After the challenge I got myself checked out and discover i have gall stones and affecting me badly. So rest up and after the operation maybe I’ll do another one or a different challenge.

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Be grateful for your life

I done a course to build my self esteem and track my progress on my depression. It went really well and I admitted I almost took my own life  and overcome my depression daemon that influence my cause, but there was a story I heard during the course which touched my emotions and it reminded me the night I almost died. It sent me into tears however it reminded me ‘I’m  grateful for my life and I’m glad I’m still here.’

The main reason I’m glad I’m still here because I’m able to tell the story and how much life is precious to us all. I don’t know how much of an impact the blog has done so far but, I’m planning to write a story about it on the kindle and release it into the public. Hopefully, it will create awareness from another avenue, since there are never ending ways of creating awareness about mental health illness. Enjoy life and be grateful for it.

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My marathon challenge 

​It has been a long time I have done a running event. To be honest I cannot remember the last time I have done it except holding a 10k cancer research medal and a small banner. I wanted to skydive but my fitness levels are very low. However, I am hoping to find something to bring my fitness levels up again and to combat the negativity that dwells in my mind. Then, out of the blue My Marathon appeared. At first thoughts that’s impossible but after planning and thinking about it I’m going to give it a go since I have nothing to lose. I’ve started training by using a cardio app, a yoga app and running around the block to start building up the fitness levels and preparing for it ready for the next month. So, please sponsor me by clicking on the link below and help me reach the £300 + marker.

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Depression contained!

​For the past few months I have weened myself off the tablets and walking along a path. I do have a few stumbles along the way however I pick  myself back up and continue the path. I have made some sacrifices along the way quitting a few hobbies to make room for self improvement. Cut people off who are wasting time and causing contamination to the progress. People come up to me and congratulate me for defeating the shadow depression daemon but truth speaking in haven’t beat it and never will. It will always be with me and someday it will strike again. It has already striken me several times trying to reclaim my soul from the light. I thought back and kept the shadow contained in a sealed box. How do I keep it under control without the help of medication. It’s easy said than done however I will give a few ideas and tips
Believe in yourself 

Only you control your destiny

Positive thinking

Ignore the negative voices mentally and reality  (other people)
Only you have the positive strength to accomplish what you have set out to do. There will be obstacles along the path, big as a mountain, small as a rock, long as the ocean or  narrow as a trickle of water. With the right mind set all of these obstacles are just temporary and completing them will be achievement to celebrate. 
Yes, this is walking into the sun set with this blog and the posts may get rarer however I’ll try and keep this blog active as long as possible. 
Thank you for reading it. And if you want to look back at any of the posts it’s all sectioned.
Also if you are thinking to come off the medication consult with the doctor first.

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A new direction

A new direction and as you probably notice the blog has had a makeover or a face lift. A fresh start and a new direction which is what I’m planning to do. It may involve uprooting and leaving the area since I’ve almost exhausted everything and a shroud of secrecy has been cast into my eyes. However it just may be a big change which may adventure out of the comfort zone. Only one person can make that decision. Me!!! In my mind, I’ve almost exhausted everything or I’ve taken something as far as I can. So, time for a clear out. Out of the old and start something new. Or I could go somewhere else and start a fresh. That will be a real challenge since I will have to build everything from scratch but I will have the necessary skills to do it. However, in my present metal condition, I don’t know what will happen. Or I could allow the depression demon take over, that will be interesting.

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Kairos Battle

this is just a draft and idea, however happy for feed back and ideas.

“You think you can stop me, the dragon god of darkness,”
the guilds fuelled the gods laugh.
“Bow down to me your new master and I may spare your pathetic souls,”
“No,” pierces around the surrounding are.
“Who dares to defile me,”
Rafter approaches Kairos?
“I, Rafter the dragon master have come to put an end to your destruction and despair.”
Kairos waved his staff and threw an energy ball at Rafter. The energy ball carried Rafter back and dropped him onto the ground.
“This is your champion, more like a morsel snack,”
A blood red ray leaked out of the staff as it pierces the ground. It slithers to Rafter to feed on his soul. Katia dives and offers herself to the feast. The ray slowly devours her soul.
“You shouldn’t get in the way. At least you would make a fine vessel for what’s to come,”

“Rafter gets up, believe in yourself,”

Rafter slowly gets up and stares at the end. He draws his sword and cuts the beam away from Katia. Katia lands in his arms and

Gently puts on her on the ground.

“No, that sword got lost in time and space.”

Kairos conjures an energy ball and launched it at Rafter. Rafter slashed it back at Kairos and progress. The ball returns to its creator and sent him back.

“You are not the one who you claim to be, I fought you at the beginning of time and space.”

Kairos throw a lightning bolt back at him. Rafter windmills his sword, fragmenting the rays into sparks.

Sheridan shouts, “Let’s help him,”

Gaius responds, “Let’s fight,”

Sofia rush in front, “No, let’s get out of here,”

“He will die in vain if we don’t fight,”

The twins whined.

“The only things we can do are fall back and believe in him,”

“I hate to say this but your right Sofia, if we stick around, he has us to worry about us, but if we disappear, he can leash his potential.”

“On a count of three, move out, set a perimeter, and wish him luck.”

Everybody shouts, “Good luck Rafter we believe in you,”

Kairos laughs, “Your friends have betrayed you,”

“No they trust and believe in me to defeat you,”

Rafter slowly progress forward shrinking the lightning beam. He thrashed out and cuts the staff.

“No you will pay for this,”

Black smoke leaks out of the ball and covered Kairos. It expanded as lightning bolts feeds the dark clouds charging it up. It rotates into a funnel and touch down onto the ground. Rafter stabbed the ground and held it tight. “You’re a virus that infects the world; you think you have power all over me guess again I will defeat you,”

“You dare to challenge me morsel for the fate of this world,”

“I accept your challenge,”

An enormous roar spread across the valley and revealed a black and blood red dragon. Rafter draws his sword out and slashed at the dragon.

“Haha that tickles only if you knew how to unlock its secret,” it absorbed all of Rafters attacks. It swipes at him, forced him to full back.

“Kaiber now,”

He stabs the ground and reveals the ocarina.

“What’s that? It cannot be.”

Rafter plays it and conjures sweet melody music. Kairos threw an energy balls to prevent the music. The sword glows brightly. Kairos breathe fire in vain as it repelled in half by the sword. Kairos charged at Rafter. Kaiber flew down and prevents him from moving.

“Kaiber the strongest dragon on the planet with no master, join me and you will become the greatest of all time.”

“I already have a master,”

Kaiber turns his head to Rafter.

“Rafter, keep going I believe in you, my friend,”

Seven coloured balls spring out of the sword and surround Rafter. A white ball lowers itself from the heavens and blasted at Rafter.

Rafter absorbs the blast and levitates to the sky along with his sword. White armour mould on to his body as his sword glows brighter. He sent an energy ray at Kaiber. Kaiber absorbs it and diversity into a white dragon.

“No it cannot be the legendary dragon master,” cried Kairos

“I thought your soul got locked up in a parallel universe.”

“The planet chose its champion.”

“It got broken and lost. How can it be returned and restored.”

“It did and now it can shatter again once and for all,”

Kairos lunged at the newly change dragoon knight. Kaiber absorbs the lunge and shouts, “Rafter, get on my back now, will take this to the skies.”

Rafter climbs onto his back and shouts, “ready”

Kaiber air borne and allow Kairos to crash into the pillow. Kaiber launched a blue beam of light at Kairos. The pillow collapses on top of Kairos. The rubble shook and releases the Kairos from its temporary prison.

“Is that the best you can do, Dragon Master?”

Kairos launched a projectile at them. Rafter rushed to Kaiber’s head and reflects the projectile back at Kairos. Kairos dodged it.

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