My universe and the black hole

MY blog about me, hobbies and my battle with depression

My hypnotherapy 

​I am willing to try anything to sooth my tormented mind from the mental illness i suffer from. That is why I am trying couple of hypnosis apps to see what happens. I must of admit trying hypnotherapy is scary and can be dangerous if not done properly. Also I have done this a few days now and there are a few changes but very little however it’s progress, one more step long the road is going
The apps I trying are

Anxiety and panic relief

Self esteem


Sleep and relaxation

In couple of months time hopefully if I remember I will do a review

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Depression contained!

​For the past few months I have weened myself off the tablets and walking along a path. I do have a few stumbles along the way however I pick  myself back up and continue the path. I have made some sacrifices along the way quitting a few hobbies to make room for self improvement. Cut people off who are wasting time and causing contamination to the progress. People come up to me and congratulate me for defeating the shadow depression daemon but truth speaking in haven’t beat it and never will. It will always be with me and someday it will strike again. It has already striken me several times trying to reclaim my soul from the light. I thought back and kept the shadow contained in a sealed box. How do I keep it under control without the help of medication. It’s easy said than done however I will give a few ideas and tips
Believe in yourself 

Only you control your destiny

Positive thinking

Ignore the negative voices mentally and reality  (other people)
Only you have the positive strength to accomplish what you have set out to do. There will be obstacles along the path, big as a mountain, small as a rock, long as the ocean or  narrow as a trickle of water. With the right mind set all of these obstacles are just temporary and completing them will be achievement to celebrate. 
Yes, this is walking into the sun set with this blog and the posts may get rarer however I’ll try and keep this blog active as long as possible. 
Thank you for reading it. And if you want to look back at any of the posts it’s all sectioned.
Also if you are thinking to come off the medication consult with the doctor first.

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Changing note app

Sorry its been late posting been busy. After receiving an email from evernote that I will be charged by the end of the month for right time ever to make a move. I scan and read reviews in decide to go with one note. After I transferred the notes manually  (copy and paste) I started to reorganise all my notes and seen there is a lot of potential i can use the app for so wish me luck with it and hopefully I will get round doing a review. Also check your app including the ones you don’t use any more because you could be paying or being charged subscription with out realising get it.

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No more tablets

I’m can safely say I no longer needing the depression tablets. Does that mean have I defeated my depression daemon?  How do I do it?
I had to let go of my former self because it was basically corrupted, so I had to rejuvenate myself and start from the beginning.
I learned how to meditate, it’s not just sitting cross legged, closing eyes, fingers on thumb and breath. It’s basically doing that pose, concentrating on your breathing and letting going yourself and drifts into a subconscious mind. Music can help you to focus, for me Indian and wolf related music worked for me, but remember to ground yourself to the floor.
Positive thinking
it can be easy if you allow yourself to do it. Just turning a negative thoughts to positives like

  • It’s too hard = it’s a challenge and a lesson for it will be easier take time.
  • I have fallen = I’m learning to pick myself up and rise again.
  • I can’t achieve anything = I will achieve smaller things to help me progress to the main achievement

Do small things
concentrate on the small things like?

  • Smile
  • Greet people
  • Help people if needed

This will help you grow and makes you feel good.
Enjoy life
you have one shot, enjoy it, love you and believe in yourself.


By the way, I have never answered the question above. Have I defeated my own depression daemon? I’ll let you decide for yourselves.

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A new direction

A new direction and as you probably notice the blog has had a makeover or a face lift. A fresh start and a new direction which is what I’m planning to do. It may involve uprooting and leaving the area since I’ve almost exhausted everything and a shroud of secrecy has been cast into my eyes. However it just may be a big change which may adventure out of the comfort zone. Only one person can make that decision. Me!!! In my mind, I’ve almost exhausted everything or I’ve taken something as far as I can. So, time for a clear out. Out of the old and start something new. Or I could go somewhere else and start a fresh. That will be a real challenge since I will have to build everything from scratch but I will have the necessary skills to do it. However, in my present metal condition, I don’t know what will happen. Or I could allow the depression demon take over, that will be interesting.

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Kairos Battle

this is just a draft and idea, however happy for feed back and ideas.

“You think you can stop me, the dragon god of darkness,”
the guilds fuelled the gods laugh.
“Bow down to me your new master and I may spare your pathetic souls,”
“No,” pierces around the surrounding are.
“Who dares to defile me,”
Rafter approaches Kairos?
“I, Rafter the dragon master have come to put an end to your destruction and despair.”
Kairos waved his staff and threw an energy ball at Rafter. The energy ball carried Rafter back and dropped him onto the ground.
“This is your champion, more like a morsel snack,”
A blood red ray leaked out of the staff as it pierces the ground. It slithers to Rafter to feed on his soul. Katia dives and offers herself to the feast. The ray slowly devours her soul.
“You shouldn’t get in the way. At least you would make a fine vessel for what’s to come,”

“Rafter gets up, believe in yourself,”

Rafter slowly gets up and stares at the end. He draws his sword and cuts the beam away from Katia. Katia lands in his arms and

Gently puts on her on the ground.

“No, that sword got lost in time and space.”

Kairos conjures an energy ball and launched it at Rafter. Rafter slashed it back at Kairos and progress. The ball returns to its creator and sent him back.

“You are not the one who you claim to be, I fought you at the beginning of time and space.”

Kairos throw a lightning bolt back at him. Rafter windmills his sword, fragmenting the rays into sparks.

Sheridan shouts, “Let’s help him,”

Gaius responds, “Let’s fight,”

Sofia rush in front, “No, let’s get out of here,”

“He will die in vain if we don’t fight,”

The twins whined.

“The only things we can do are fall back and believe in him,”

“I hate to say this but your right Sofia, if we stick around, he has us to worry about us, but if we disappear, he can leash his potential.”

“On a count of three, move out, set a perimeter, and wish him luck.”

Everybody shouts, “Good luck Rafter we believe in you,”

Kairos laughs, “Your friends have betrayed you,”

“No they trust and believe in me to defeat you,”

Rafter slowly progress forward shrinking the lightning beam. He thrashed out and cuts the staff.

“No you will pay for this,”

Black smoke leaks out of the ball and covered Kairos. It expanded as lightning bolts feeds the dark clouds charging it up. It rotates into a funnel and touch down onto the ground. Rafter stabbed the ground and held it tight. “You’re a virus that infects the world; you think you have power all over me guess again I will defeat you,”

“You dare to challenge me morsel for the fate of this world,”

“I accept your challenge,”

An enormous roar spread across the valley and revealed a black and blood red dragon. Rafter draws his sword out and slashed at the dragon.

“Haha that tickles only if you knew how to unlock its secret,” it absorbed all of Rafters attacks. It swipes at him, forced him to full back.

“Kaiber now,”

He stabs the ground and reveals the ocarina.

“What’s that? It cannot be.”

Rafter plays it and conjures sweet melody music. Kairos threw an energy balls to prevent the music. The sword glows brightly. Kairos breathe fire in vain as it repelled in half by the sword. Kairos charged at Rafter. Kaiber flew down and prevents him from moving.

“Kaiber the strongest dragon on the planet with no master, join me and you will become the greatest of all time.”

“I already have a master,”

Kaiber turns his head to Rafter.

“Rafter, keep going I believe in you, my friend,”

Seven coloured balls spring out of the sword and surround Rafter. A white ball lowers itself from the heavens and blasted at Rafter.

Rafter absorbs the blast and levitates to the sky along with his sword. White armour mould on to his body as his sword glows brighter. He sent an energy ray at Kaiber. Kaiber absorbs it and diversity into a white dragon.

“No it cannot be the legendary dragon master,” cried Kairos

“I thought your soul got locked up in a parallel universe.”

“The planet chose its champion.”

“It got broken and lost. How can it be returned and restored.”

“It did and now it can shatter again once and for all,”

Kairos lunged at the newly change dragoon knight. Kaiber absorbs the lunge and shouts, “Rafter, get on my back now, will take this to the skies.”

Rafter climbs onto his back and shouts, “ready”

Kaiber air borne and allow Kairos to crash into the pillow. Kaiber launched a blue beam of light at Kairos. The pillow collapses on top of Kairos. The rubble shook and releases the Kairos from its temporary prison.

“Is that the best you can do, Dragon Master?”

Kairos launched a projectile at them. Rafter rushed to Kaiber’s head and reflects the projectile back at Kairos. Kairos dodged it.

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Tablets or no tablets

I have reached to the point, where I have to decide tablets or no tablets. My mental mind can handle two days without them, but I would like to get of them and have a piece of me return to me and not covered up by them. However, I feel like I’m not ready to come of them just yet because there are signs in my mental mind that it has not be fixed or cured yet. I have tried three to four days but I struggle even to get through the day. I even struggle to sleep thanks to the overactive and/or anxious mind. Does this means I’m not safe yet to come off them and need to work on my life?

But there are signs I’m on the mend two days without tablets is quite a big jump. I am planning big things in my life and this one is the most serious one since it affects my health. So, what will it be? Yes or no to tablets?


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Libby tackles Kilimanjaro


I hope she doesn’t mind writing about her however a friend of mine Libby and co is attempting to conquer Kilimanjaro in aid of Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) global Health project. Please donate, even if it’s only £5 to this amazing cause and cheer Libby and co to conquer Kilimanjaro.

Click on link below to and follow the instructions to donate

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My 2015 photography collections

My latest photo ebook

Click on link below and enjoy

2015 collections

for my other ebooks click on my books tab

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Positively pledge

I’ve been going through Pinterest and discovered some pins which was interesting. Pledges and things to do to help you increase your positively.


Also I have started a positivity journal.


Inspiration from Pinterest

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