My universe and the black hole

MY blog about me, hobbies and my battle with depression

No more tablets

I’m can safely say I no longer needing the depression tablets. Does that mean have I defeated my depression daemon?  How do I do it?
Rejuvenation
I had to let go of my former self because it was basically corrupted, so I had to rejuvenate myself and start from the beginning.
Meditation
I learned how to meditate, it’s not just sitting cross legged, closing eyes, fingers on thumb and breath. It’s basically doing that pose, concentrating on your breathing and letting going yourself and drifts into a subconscious mind. Music can help you to focus, for me Indian and wolf related music worked for me, but remember to ground yourself to the floor.
Positive thinking
it can be easy if you allow yourself to do it. Just turning a negative thoughts to positives like

  • It’s too hard = it’s a challenge and a lesson for it will be easier take time.
  • I have fallen = I’m learning to pick myself up and rise again.
  • I can’t achieve anything = I will achieve smaller things to help me progress to the main achievement

Do small things
concentrate on the small things like?

  • Smile
  • Greet people
  • Help people if needed

This will help you grow and makes you feel good.
Enjoy life
you have one shot, enjoy it, love you and believe in yourself.

 

By the way, I have never answered the question above. Have I defeated my own depression daemon? I’ll let you decide for yourselves.

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A new direction

A new direction and as you probably notice the blog has had a makeover or a face lift. A fresh start and a new direction which is what I’m planning to do. It may involve uprooting and leaving the area since I’ve almost exhausted everything and a shroud of secrecy has been cast into my eyes. However it just may be a big change which may adventure out of the comfort zone. Only one person can make that decision. Me!!! In my mind, I’ve almost exhausted everything or I’ve taken something as far as I can. So, time for a clear out. Out of the old and start something new. Or I could go somewhere else and start a fresh. That will be a real challenge since I will have to build everything from scratch but I will have the necessary skills to do it. However, in my present metal condition, I don’t know what will happen. Or I could allow the depression demon take over, that will be interesting.

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Kairos Battle

this is just a draft and idea, however happy for feed back and ideas.

“You think you can stop me, the dragon god of darkness,”
the guilds fuelled the gods laugh.
“Bow down to me your new master and I may spare your pathetic souls,”
“No,” pierces around the surrounding are.
“Who dares to defile me,”
Rafter approaches Kairos?
“I, Rafter the dragon master have come to put an end to your destruction and despair.”
Kairos waved his staff and threw an energy ball at Rafter. The energy ball carried Rafter back and dropped him onto the ground.
“This is your champion, more like a morsel snack,”
A blood red ray leaked out of the staff as it pierces the ground. It slithers to Rafter to feed on his soul. Katia dives and offers herself to the feast. The ray slowly devours her soul.
“You shouldn’t get in the way. At least you would make a fine vessel for what’s to come,”

“Rafter gets up, believe in yourself,”

Rafter slowly gets up and stares at the end. He draws his sword and cuts the beam away from Katia. Katia lands in his arms and

Gently puts on her on the ground.

“No, that sword got lost in time and space.”

Kairos conjures an energy ball and launched it at Rafter. Rafter slashed it back at Kairos and progress. The ball returns to its creator and sent him back.

“You are not the one who you claim to be, I fought you at the beginning of time and space.”

Kairos throw a lightning bolt back at him. Rafter windmills his sword, fragmenting the rays into sparks.

Sheridan shouts, “Let’s help him,”

Gaius responds, “Let’s fight,”

Sofia rush in front, “No, let’s get out of here,”

“He will die in vain if we don’t fight,”

The twins whined.

“The only things we can do are fall back and believe in him,”

“I hate to say this but your right Sofia, if we stick around, he has us to worry about us, but if we disappear, he can leash his potential.”

“On a count of three, move out, set a perimeter, and wish him luck.”

Everybody shouts, “Good luck Rafter we believe in you,”

Kairos laughs, “Your friends have betrayed you,”

“No they trust and believe in me to defeat you,”

Rafter slowly progress forward shrinking the lightning beam. He thrashed out and cuts the staff.

“No you will pay for this,”

Black smoke leaks out of the ball and covered Kairos. It expanded as lightning bolts feeds the dark clouds charging it up. It rotates into a funnel and touch down onto the ground. Rafter stabbed the ground and held it tight. “You’re a virus that infects the world; you think you have power all over me guess again I will defeat you,”

“You dare to challenge me morsel for the fate of this world,”

“I accept your challenge,”

An enormous roar spread across the valley and revealed a black and blood red dragon. Rafter draws his sword out and slashed at the dragon.

“Haha that tickles only if you knew how to unlock its secret,” it absorbed all of Rafters attacks. It swipes at him, forced him to full back.

“Kaiber now,”

He stabs the ground and reveals the ocarina.

“What’s that? It cannot be.”

Rafter plays it and conjures sweet melody music. Kairos threw an energy balls to prevent the music. The sword glows brightly. Kairos breathe fire in vain as it repelled in half by the sword. Kairos charged at Rafter. Kaiber flew down and prevents him from moving.

“Kaiber the strongest dragon on the planet with no master, join me and you will become the greatest of all time.”

“I already have a master,”

Kaiber turns his head to Rafter.

“Rafter, keep going I believe in you, my friend,”

Seven coloured balls spring out of the sword and surround Rafter. A white ball lowers itself from the heavens and blasted at Rafter.

Rafter absorbs the blast and levitates to the sky along with his sword. White armour mould on to his body as his sword glows brighter. He sent an energy ray at Kaiber. Kaiber absorbs it and diversity into a white dragon.

“No it cannot be the legendary dragon master,” cried Kairos

“I thought your soul got locked up in a parallel universe.”

“The planet chose its champion.”

“It got broken and lost. How can it be returned and restored.”

“It did and now it can shatter again once and for all,”

Kairos lunged at the newly change dragoon knight. Kaiber absorbs the lunge and shouts, “Rafter, get on my back now, will take this to the skies.”

Rafter climbs onto his back and shouts, “ready”

Kaiber air borne and allow Kairos to crash into the pillow. Kaiber launched a blue beam of light at Kairos. The pillow collapses on top of Kairos. The rubble shook and releases the Kairos from its temporary prison.

“Is that the best you can do, Dragon Master?”

Kairos launched a projectile at them. Rafter rushed to Kaiber’s head and reflects the projectile back at Kairos. Kairos dodged it.

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Tablets or no tablets

I have reached to the point, where I have to decide tablets or no tablets. My mental mind can handle two days without them, but I would like to get of them and have a piece of me return to me and not covered up by them. However, I feel like I’m not ready to come of them just yet because there are signs in my mental mind that it has not be fixed or cured yet. I have tried three to four days but I struggle even to get through the day. I even struggle to sleep thanks to the overactive and/or anxious mind. Does this means I’m not safe yet to come off them and need to work on my life?

But there are signs I’m on the mend two days without tablets is quite a big jump. I am planning big things in my life and this one is the most serious one since it affects my health. So, what will it be? Yes or no to tablets?

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Libby tackles Kilimanjaro

kilimanjaro

I hope she doesn’t mind writing about her however a friend of mine Libby and co is attempting to conquer Kilimanjaro in aid of Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) global Health project. Please donate, even if it’s only £5 to this amazing cause and cheer Libby and co to conquer Kilimanjaro.

Click on link below to and follow the instructions to donate

https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/libbyprior1

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My 2015 photography collections

My latest photo ebook

Click on link below and enjoy

2015 collections

for my other ebooks click on my books tab

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Positively pledge

I’ve been going through Pinterest and discovered some pins which was interesting. Pledges and things to do to help you increase your positively.

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Also I have started a positivity journal.

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Inspiration from Pinterest

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Smooth crab pate and ‘dead man’s fingers’

I’ve been preparing a crab ready to make smooth crab pate. However I’ve been asked by people what are the dead man’s fingers. Well I took a picture of them.

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They look like feathery gills shown in the picture.

Please be careful of these and remove them and discard.
Now the smooth crab pate, the quick and easy method.
Add a cream cheese and the  crab meat into the food blender. Season  to taste and blend smooth.
Best thing about cream cheeses, there are so many flavours so try different combinations.
Also try using king prawns peeled and cooked.

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My year with depression 2015

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I see people do their auto reviews, which does not reflect all of the year. So , I decided to do my own. Yes, it has been 1 ½ years since I have been fight a mental illness, daemon shadow that haunts me everywhere I go, trying to crush me. But as one colleague pointed it out, I’m a strong person.
This year I have experience
1. back stabbed
2. Cyber bullied
3. Hounded  down
4. Heart broken
5. A friend passed away
6. Exiled
All these fed the daemon and put be in a hold, asking me to submit and die. However I always had a escape route and free myself from its clutches. Even though I am getting tired and exhausted, however I am getting stronger and a new light, glowing brightly. In the future I believe I can make the light glow brighter. Hopefully this blog will show others there is hope and don’t be afraid to ask for help.

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The demon vs me. Update

It has been 1 1/2 years ago since I’ve had been diagnosed and confirmed with depression and anxiety. Unfortunate to say it’s still here with one of us refusing to let the other go and give way. However I have learnt a lot from it. People can influence the demon and make it go on a war path. For example if a person or a party says 092414_2026_Faceyourdem1.jpgor do something to a person who suffers a mental illness, big or small, it could trigger an episode. Voices play and tease your mind saying wrapy thoughts. I try to drown it by playing music or a DVD. I keep my mind occupied with projects, puzzles and mind games. I try to close my eyes and meditate or go to sleep just to rest my mind. However when it runs wild it gets me really down and cannot do anything to stop it. Sometimes I just want to take a gun to my head and shoot the voices out. No I am not suicidal just imagine a squeaky voice constantly talking in your head. But don’t worry I can say there is no gun in the area I am in however if I did shoot myself, people will believe I lost and I have a lot of things to do. I’m hoping this blog will help people with or without the mental illness to understand it because people don’t see it when you look at a victim of mental illness. For example if you have an external physical injury or a broken bone or muscle. You will probably see a bandage or a cast on them. However if a person is suffering from a mental illness, you don’t see it from the outside. Like just observe a crowd of people and answer this question, “Who has got depression?” Without asking them your answer should be along the lines of ‘I don’t know.’ Hopefully this time next year, I would like to write and believe I defeated the demon. However I like to beat it and lead other people into the light.

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