I done a course to build my self esteem and track my progress on my depression. It went really well and I admitted I almost took my own life and overcome my depression daemon that influence my cause, but there was a story I heard during the course which touched my emotions and it reminded me the night I almost died. It sent me into tears however it reminded me ‘I’m grateful for my life and I’m glad I’m still here.’
The main reason I’m glad I’m still here because I’m able to tell the story and how much life is precious to us all. I don’t know how much of an impact the blog has done so far but, I’m planning to write a story about it on the kindle and release it into the public. Hopefully, it will create awareness from another avenue, since there are never ending ways of creating awareness about mental health illness. Enjoy life and be grateful for it.
For a long time now I have been on top of a mountain. A year ago I crumbed and plunge into deep water. I felt vulnerable and chocking in the depths of the ocean looking and trying to swim back to the surface. Drowning and no way out I felt there was one option left end my life. But it didn’t go that way instead Lucy, the faith family dog, stop it. After getting help, I slowly recover, floating up from the deep ocean and back on the surface. Grasping for air I wasn’t out of the storm just yet. A whirlpool trying to suck me back down. I struggled however manage to get to safety and found an island a safe haven. I sat down and meditated. It felt like a protective cocoon wrapped me up and repel any harmful things thrown at me by the storm. Reclaiming and rediscovering myself, I came out re-energised. Wanting to run and go straight in, I realize it wasn’t the answer, so I decided to train to see what I’m capable of doing. Slowly I learn my own abilities and limits. I decided then to take a brand new path and walk along it.
Using new and improved abilities I was able to conquer challenges from too easy to that was tight, (words from sonic the hedgehog) grabbing the opportunities and using them to my advantage. I grew in confidence and self believe, mentally free running and flying. Achieving and grabbing opportunities as they come I wonder when the next storm strikes me down.
I would to say thank you for waiting patiently for the get post. I have been busy with a lot of things.
Firstly, I had a tablet review and on the agreement from the doctors and me we have agreed to cut my medication from 20mg to 10mg
Secondly, I have been busy with a stall preparation and have been fully focus on it.
Thirdly, I have links to new accounts and pages that have been started up so feel free to look but sorry if they are bare however I try to update them after the stall.
Recently I have had warpy thought entering my mind and being mischievous. “I hate my life” “I hate …” “they will never reply back” “your useless” “you’re a waste of space”
I face these everyday going through my head, dancing and taunting me. One day I wished I had a gun and blow them out of day; however that’s what the warpy thoughts wanted. These thoughts can be triggered when you’re de-hydrated, bothered, struggling and exhausted. But don’t give up. You can easily beat these thoughts if you rehydrate and refresh yourself by washing away the old and allow the new to shine. Get yourself busy and occupy your mind with an activity also calm your mind with meditation and positive thinking. So hope this helps and let go of the warpy thoughts and be true to you.
If you need any help or want to help click on link below or look at contacts for other useful numbers
Black hole support group for mental illness
Black hole support group
Most of you have realise the name of my blog has changed from adrianbrothwell to my universe and the black hole. Why? It’s because it has more meaning and it was due for a name change. the universe is me and in that universe has different galaxies and systems like in mine hobbies is a galaxy and photography, writing and cooking are part of that galaxy. Views are another galaxy and so on. However the black hole is the demons I have which travels around the universe. Since it’s a black hole and the universe is dark you never know when it will strike. Fill up your universe with many different galaxies and beware of any black holes that will come and attack it.
During the bank holiday I had an emotional shock. I’m feeling a lot better and it wasn’t depression. A friend whom I chat to, mother and daughter lost one of their family member, daughter and sister, the scary thing is I only spoken to her couple of weeks ago and she’s around my age. I did my best to comfort them however during the evening I broke down. After I came back to my senses I realise I learnt something during a Buddha session which I will share. Let go all the stress and worries. Enjoy life and treasure the best moments.
It’s been nearly a year now since I nearly took my own life. So what happened in that year, I also did it again, but snapped out of it was the lowest point. I learnt more about myself, and learnt what’s real and what’s a wrapy thought. I got stronger when I was at my most vulnerable point. Most of all and I know it sounds wield; I use the depression at my advantage. Nope, not getting time off or something like that, it helps me to focus, harness my abilities and boosted my confidence and self believe. Even though it can be a pain in the back side and plays my mind up however, I believe it was a gift that I needed to remind myself I’m human. I know one day it will overwhelm me and put right back to the beginning and smash everything I have built like a wrecking ball. The best thing about it, it de clutters the junk out, so we can rebuild ourselves leaner and sharper. As this Easter comes and goes I feel like I have been broken again and slowly rebuild myself over the weekend. All I’m going to say is don’t let it control you, you control it and use it to your advantage because at the end of the day only person and thing controls your life is you. If you need help do not hesitate and get it, otherwise everyday will be a flip of a coin heads you live, tails you die. so enjoy life.