Our life book

I’ve been writing short stories ever since in was school, been self publishing for a few years. Our lives are just like books. If can be turbulent, sad, intense,joyful, amazing and the ending can be great, depressing or tender hook. So who writes our book of life? Is it or neighbour, a friend, your enemy, your family member or you! My life book so far has been written by me. Yup that’s right. All the experiences on and off the blog are written by myself under different circumstances. The best thing is when we write a new page it’s clean and fresh where we can pick up or restart things. New page, new beginning and new day. So make it positive, amazing, fruitful and the main thing being happy and great for ourselves. Pick up that pen or pencil, turn to a fresh clean page and start writing great positive things like starting a new day with positive thinking because only you decide what to do!

Living under the black cloud.

It’s reasonably hard living under the black cloud because you don’t know what the day brings. Good day peace and harmony with your mind with no problems at all but when it starts to go black under the dark cloud of anxiety and depression that’s when it all begins. Your mind starts to play tricks on you and when you give in to the chaos! You don’t know what to believe. For me, I’m glad it happens rarely but still, have the odd attack like one time I caved in because I thought I wasn’t good enough and thought I was going to be put on the side. However, after a few weeks still here! The best thing to tackle this in my experience is meditation and breathe. If your starts to go wondering or your mind trying to trick you, take a moment focus on deep breathing and relax. The moment can be as long as you want but for me an average of five to ten minutes long. So when your mind starts to take a few deep breaths and relax to calm your mind down. Then carry on where you left off.

My marathon diary updated

​I’m doing the ‘my marathon’ challenge held by the British heart foundation. So I have decided to keep diary on my progress so here it goes.

 

Day 1, completed 1.6 miles feeling great that I have surpassed my daily pledge but my legs are feeling it. Guess I’m un fit.

Day 2, done 1.7 miles today which is good and making good progress think my legs are saying something else.

Day 3, it’s raining, I could have a day off since I have made an extra mile but I done 0.7 miles instead just to keep the tally going and use the free days of when I need to.

Day 4 took a day off due to personal problems, back to normal tomorrow.

Day 5 Mind talk starting to set in trying to put me off but manage to fend it off by saying if I can conquer my depression, I can easily beat the challenge.

Day 6 done an afternoon run completing 1.1 miles but think I have got something.

Day 7 all night I had the sickness bug. I had no sleep and I’m completely exhausted. Medical advice was rest up and take it easy about the challenge. I nearly took a day off to rest up and recover but walked the dogs for 0.5 miles to get some fresh air.

Day 8 done another mile walk to see if I can continue with the challenge and I believe I can finish it.

Day 9 had severe cramps in my abdominal area during my mile walk and I don’t know how the dogs got me back home as if they knew I’m in trouble. 

Day 10 & 11 took the whole weekend off to recover properly.

Day 12 I’m on holiday so it’s time to clock up some mileage, but I only done the usual 1.8 miles however it all counts.

Day 13 only done 0.7 miles because the sun is so intense and zapping my energy away

Day 14 I have done a split 3 mile today. The first the usual run followed by a cool down with the dogs which is a good idea and the legs are grateful for it. The other half walk around the farm area and using the beacon as a safety precaution, but the sun is still very intensive and completely drained me.

Day 15 only done half mile because of that sun so rest day for me.

Day 16 it’s cool and perfect.  Done over a mile run and broke my personal best for a mile and a cool down with the slave drivers, the dogs. I have also done another one in the evening and nearly collapse. Good thing the dogs are there to help me out, only got 6 miles left.

Day 17 I have done a run but still having abdominal problems so I’m going to take it easy, even though I have the urge to complete it all.

Day 18 I have done another run but still abdominal problems, however only couple of miles left.

Day 19 finally I have done the ‘my marathon’ challenge but I feel wield because instead being ecstatic, but in pain.

After the challenge I got myself checked out and discover i have gall stones and affecting me badly. So rest up and after the operation maybe I’ll do another one or a different challenge.

Be grateful for your life

I done a course to build my self esteem and track my progress on my depression. It went really well and I admitted I almost took my own life  and overcome my depression daemon that influence my cause, but there was a story I heard during the course which touched my emotions and it reminded me the night I almost died. It sent me into tears however it reminded me ‘I’m  grateful for my life and I’m glad I’m still here.’

The main reason I’m glad I’m still here because I’m able to tell the story and how much life is precious to us all. I don’t know how much of an impact the blog has done so far but, I’m planning to write a story about it on the kindle and release it into the public. Hopefully, it will create awareness from another avenue, since there are never ending ways of creating awareness about mental health illness. Enjoy life and be grateful for it.

Depression contained!

​For the past few months I have weened myself off the tablets and walking along a path. I do have a few stumbles along the way however I pick  myself back up and continue the path. I have made some sacrifices along the way quitting a few hobbies to make room for self improvement. Cut people off who are wasting time and causing contamination to the progress. People come up to me and congratulate me for defeating the shadow depression daemon but truth speaking in haven’t beat it and never will. It will always be with me and someday it will strike again. It has already striken me several times trying to reclaim my soul from the light. I thought back and kept the shadow contained in a sealed box. How do I keep it under control without the help of medication. It’s easy said than done however I will give a few ideas and tips
Believe in yourself 

Only you control your destiny

Positive thinking

Ignore the negative voices mentally and reality  (other people)
Only you have the positive strength to accomplish what you have set out to do. There will be obstacles along the path, big as a mountain, small as a rock, long as the ocean or  narrow as a trickle of water. With the right mind set all of these obstacles are just temporary and completing them will be achievement to celebrate. 
Yes, this is walking into the sun set with this blog and the posts may get rarer however I’ll try and keep this blog active as long as possible. 
Thank you for reading it. And if you want to look back at any of the posts it’s all sectioned.
Also if you are thinking to come off the medication consult with the doctor first.

No more tablets

I’m can safely say I no longer needing the depression tablets. Does that mean have I defeated my depression daemon?  How do I do it?
Rejuvenation
I had to let go of my former self because it was basically corrupted, so I had to rejuvenate myself and start from the beginning.
Meditation
I learned how to meditate, it’s not just sitting cross legged, closing eyes, fingers on thumb and breath. It’s basically doing that pose, concentrating on your breathing and letting going yourself and drifts into a subconscious mind. Music can help you to focus, for me Indian and wolf related music worked for me, but remember to ground yourself to the floor.
Positive thinking
it can be easy if you allow yourself to do it. Just turning a negative thoughts to positives like

  • It’s too hard = it’s a challenge and a lesson for it will be easier take time.
  • I have fallen = I’m learning to pick myself up and rise again.
  • I can’t achieve anything = I will achieve smaller things to help me progress to the main achievement

Do small things
concentrate on the small things like?

  • Smile
  • Greet people
  • Help people if needed

This will help you grow and makes you feel good.
Enjoy life
you have one shot, enjoy it, love you and believe in yourself.

 

By the way, I have never answered the question above. Have I defeated my own depression daemon? I’ll let you decide for yourselves.

Tablets or no tablets

I have reached to the point, where I have to decide tablets or no tablets. My mental mind can handle two days without them, but I would like to get of them and have a piece of me return to me and not covered up by them. However, I feel like I’m not ready to come of them just yet because there are signs in my mental mind that it has not be fixed or cured yet. I have tried three to four days but I struggle even to get through the day. I even struggle to sleep thanks to the overactive and/or anxious mind. Does this means I’m not safe yet to come off them and need to work on my life?

But there are signs I’m on the mend two days without tablets is quite a big jump. I am planning big things in my life and this one is the most serious one since it affects my health. So, what will it be? Yes or no to tablets?

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