My universe and the black hole

MY blog about me, hobbies and my battle with depression

My new path… or island in this case

Yes, it has been a while since my last post, but I have been through a turbulent summer. A lost of a job that I love doing for my customers and colleagues whom over time become friends. It has screwed me over mentally and physically. I nearly went back on the tablets to help escape the grasp of the black hole. It affected everything and put me behind on all projects and social events. It felt like poison seeping through me, and I nearly ended the suffering by taking my own. However, I did not take my life since I am still here typing this post out. And l am not on any medication to steady the unstable ship going into the black storm. Instead, I rode it out. I took my ship and drove it through the eye of the storm and out again. I was a mess but in a better place. How did I do it? I planned my route and stuck to it thanks to the next steps skill and the new tools I learnt self-analysis and swot (strengths, weakness, opportunities and threats) Now my ship crashed on a desert island, it’s time to figure out what I want in life? It starts with the main three spiritually, mentally and physically. I am glad that my spirit and faith kept me going and only needs tweaking. Mentally and physically needs a lot of work. After using the tools again the start of my new life path has been the paved way. Time to stick to it and the plan to get me back how I was before the black hole, the dark storm, grabbed hold of me and started pulling me in.

Also, I like to thank the people who have supported me throughout this time. I will keep in contact. take care.

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Virtual races (fitness resolution)

At this time of year majority of the people will pledge “lose weight, get fit, etc.” and probably by 3 -4 weeks in you give up. For me I sign up to a virtual race, complete it, and the reward is not only a medal for your accomplishment but also you feel Fitter, Healthier and positive. There are two websites I’m using that are UK based which are.

 

http://www.powvirtualrunning.co.uk

https://www.myrace.run

 

From the USA I recommend this website at the moment

 

https://yes.fit/Home

 

Before signing up read all the information thoroughly, so you will have a rough idea what is install for you. Also, any questions just ask them, since their service is good. So, give it ago, and you will never know this time next year you have recorded a marathon run time, an amazing medal collection, and you feel fantastic with a healthier body.

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Life after British heart foundation my marathon challenge 

​Firstly, thank you to everyone who sponsored me. Secondly, There is life after the challenge, even though I’ve been told ‘take it easy’. I’m taking it easy for while but I have stumbled across a American website, https://yes.fit/Home , which sets out virtual races around the world.  Same rules apply just complete the challenge by doing walk, run, swim, cycle or workout. Here I go and complete as many challenges as I can!

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My marathon diary updated

​I’m doing the ‘my marathon’ challenge held by the British heart foundation. So I have decided to keep diary on my progress so here it goes.

 

Day 1, completed 1.6 miles feeling great that I have surpassed my daily pledge but my legs are feeling it. Guess I’m un fit.

Day 2, done 1.7 miles today which is good and making good progress think my legs are saying something else.

Day 3, it’s raining, I could have a day off since I have made an extra mile but I done 0.7 miles instead just to keep the tally going and use the free days of when I need to.

Day 4 took a day off due to personal problems, back to normal tomorrow.

Day 5 Mind talk starting to set in trying to put me off but manage to fend it off by saying if I can conquer my depression, I can easily beat the challenge.

Day 6 done an afternoon run completing 1.1 miles but think I have got something.

Day 7 all night I had the sickness bug. I had no sleep and I’m completely exhausted. Medical advice was rest up and take it easy about the challenge. I nearly took a day off to rest up and recover but walked the dogs for 0.5 miles to get some fresh air.

Day 8 done another mile walk to see if I can continue with the challenge and I believe I can finish it.

Day 9 had severe cramps in my abdominal area during my mile walk and I don’t know how the dogs got me back home as if they knew I’m in trouble. 

Day 10 & 11 took the whole weekend off to recover properly.

Day 12 I’m on holiday so it’s time to clock up some mileage, but I only done the usual 1.8 miles however it all counts.

Day 13 only done 0.7 miles because the sun is so intense and zapping my energy away

Day 14 I have done a split 3 mile today. The first the usual run followed by a cool down with the dogs which is a good idea and the legs are grateful for it. The other half walk around the farm area and using the beacon as a safety precaution, but the sun is still very intensive and completely drained me.

Day 15 only done half mile because of that sun so rest day for me.

Day 16 it’s cool and perfect.  Done over a mile run and broke my personal best for a mile and a cool down with the slave drivers, the dogs. I have also done another one in the evening and nearly collapse. Good thing the dogs are there to help me out, only got 6 miles left.

Day 17 I have done a run but still having abdominal problems so I’m going to take it easy, even though I have the urge to complete it all.

Day 18 I have done another run but still abdominal problems, however only couple of miles left.

Day 19 finally I have done the ‘my marathon’ challenge but I feel wield because instead being ecstatic, but in pain.

After the challenge I got myself checked out and discover i have gall stones and affecting me badly. So rest up and after the operation maybe I’ll do another one or a different challenge.

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My marathon challenge so far…

​I’m doing the my marathon challenge held by the British heart foundation. So I have decided to keep diary on my progress so here it goes.

Day 1, completed 1.6 miles feeling great that I have surpass my daily pledge but my legs are feeling it. Guess I’m un fit.

Day 2, done 1.7 miles today which is good and making good progress think my legs are saying something else.

Day 3, it’s raining, I could have a day off since I have made an extra mile but I done 0.7 miles instead just to keep the tally going and use the free days of when I need to.

Day 4, took a day off due to personal problems. Back to normal tomorrow.

Day 5, another 1.6 miles done. Mind talk starting to set in trying to put me off but manage to fend it off by saying if i can conquer my depression, I can easily beat the challenge.

Day 6 done an afternoon run  completing 1.1 miles but think I have got something.

Day 7 all night I had the sickness bug. I had no sleep and I’m completely exhausted. Medical advice was rest up and but take it easy about the challenge. I nearly took a day off to rest up and recover. But walked the dogs for 0.5 miles to get some fresh air.

Day 8 done another mile walk to see if I can continue with the challenge and I believe I can so off I go.

Day 9 had severe cramps in my abdominal area during my mile walk and I don’t know how the dogs got me back home as if they knew I’m in trouble. 

Day 10 & 11 took the whole weekend off to recover properly.

Day 12 I’m on holiday so it’s time to clock up some mileage, but I only done the usual 1.8 miles however it all counts.

Day 13 only done 0.7 miles because the sun is so intense and zapping my energy away

Day 14 done a split 3 mile today. The first the usual run followed by a cool down with the dogs which is a good idea and the legs are grateful for it. The other half walk around the farm area and using the beacon as a safety precaution, but the sun is still very intensive and completely drained me.

Day 15 only done half mile because of that sun so rest day for me.

Day 16 it’s cool and perfect.  Done over a mile run and broke my personal best for a mile and a cool down with the slave drivers, dogs. Looked at my progress page and can not believe I have just over 8.18 miles to go.

Please sponsor me by clicking the link below. If you already have thank you so much.

https://mymarathonsept.everydayhero.com/uk/AdrianBrothwellmarathon

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Be grateful for your life

I done a course to build my self esteem and track my progress on my depression. It went really well and I admitted I almost took my own life  and overcome my depression daemon that influence my cause, but there was a story I heard during the course which touched my emotions and it reminded me the night I almost died. It sent me into tears however it reminded me ‘I’m  grateful for my life and I’m glad I’m still here.’

The main reason I’m glad I’m still here because I’m able to tell the story and how much life is precious to us all. I don’t know how much of an impact the blog has done so far but, I’m planning to write a story about it on the kindle and release it into the public. Hopefully, it will create awareness from another avenue, since there are never ending ways of creating awareness about mental health illness. Enjoy life and be grateful for it.

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My marathon challenge 

​It has been a long time I have done a running event. To be honest I cannot remember the last time I have done it except holding a 10k cancer research medal and a small banner. I wanted to skydive but my fitness levels are very low. However, I am hoping to find something to bring my fitness levels up again and to combat the negativity that dwells in my mind. Then, out of the blue My Marathon appeared. At first thoughts that’s impossible but after planning and thinking about it I’m going to give it a go since I have nothing to lose. I’ve started training by using a cardio app, a yoga app and running around the block to start building up the fitness levels and preparing for it ready for the next month. So, please sponsor me by clicking on the link below and help me reach the £300 + marker.

 

https://mymarathonsept.everydayhero.com/uk/AdrianBrothwellmarathon

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My hypnotherapy 

​I am willing to try anything to sooth my tormented mind from the mental illness i suffer from. That is why I am trying couple of hypnosis apps to see what happens. I must of admit trying hypnotherapy is scary and can be dangerous if not done properly. Also I have done this a few days now and there are a few changes but very little however it’s progress, one more step long the road is going
The apps I trying are

Anxiety and panic relief

Self esteem

Slim

Sleep and relaxation

In couple of months time hopefully if I remember I will do a review

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Depression contained!

​For the past few months I have weened myself off the tablets and walking along a path. I do have a few stumbles along the way however I pick  myself back up and continue the path. I have made some sacrifices along the way quitting a few hobbies to make room for self improvement. Cut people off who are wasting time and causing contamination to the progress. People come up to me and congratulate me for defeating the shadow depression daemon but truth speaking in haven’t beat it and never will. It will always be with me and someday it will strike again. It has already striken me several times trying to reclaim my soul from the light. I thought back and kept the shadow contained in a sealed box. How do I keep it under control without the help of medication. It’s easy said than done however I will give a few ideas and tips
Believe in yourself 

Only you control your destiny

Positive thinking

Ignore the negative voices mentally and reality  (other people)
Only you have the positive strength to accomplish what you have set out to do. There will be obstacles along the path, big as a mountain, small as a rock, long as the ocean or  narrow as a trickle of water. With the right mind set all of these obstacles are just temporary and completing them will be achievement to celebrate. 
Yes, this is walking into the sun set with this blog and the posts may get rarer however I’ll try and keep this blog active as long as possible. 
Thank you for reading it. And if you want to look back at any of the posts it’s all sectioned.
Also if you are thinking to come off the medication consult with the doctor first.

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Changing note app

Sorry its been late posting been busy. After receiving an email from evernote that I will be charged by the end of the month for right time ever to make a move. I scan and read reviews in decide to go with one note. After I transferred the notes manually  (copy and paste) I started to reorganise all my notes and seen there is a lot of potential i can use the app for so wish me luck with it and hopefully I will get round doing a review. Also check your app including the ones you don’t use any more because you could be paying or being charged subscription with out realising get it.

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